Introvert question

[nonionay]

I've got a question for Introverts (and maybe extroverts, too.)

I'm sketching out notes for an essay on how to glom onto people in social situations (ie, stick with a particular person for a sense of security in overwhelming social situations.) At World Fantasy, I glommed and was glommed to, and had both good and bad experiences with that, so now I'm curious to explore the topic.

So my question: When someone (specifically, a relative stranger) is focusing their attention on you and only you, is it more or less uncomfortable than being in a group?
Do you think this is because you have to throw up mental shields (and thereby spend a lot of energy) to protect yourself from the intense focus?

This is how it is with me, but I'm curious how much of that is my introversion, and how much is just my own special snowflake-ness.

Comments

[mikigarrison.livejournal.com]

For me, it's not about needing mental shields or anything like that. It's that in a group setting, the burden for keeping a conversation going is shared across the group -- so I don't need to be constantly on, I can take mental breaks here and there and still be part of the group. When it's just 1-on-1 -- and especially so with someone needy and not socially skilled -- it takes all of my focus to maintain a conversation that may not have been that interesting to me to begin with.

[laurajerry.livejournal.com]

It would really depend on the person, but I think I mostly feel more comfortable with one person focusing their attention on me, than being in a group situation. -- But it really depend like I said on the person, and on the group situation. Does the group have a clear leader? Are they cohesive? Or are many different people wanting to do different things? With one person, it's (generally) easy to talk to them and come to a decision on something. But with a group, there can be no decision, unless someone takes charge and makes one. That person has to be respected by the group to be allowed to do this, so I generally find groups far more chaotic, and draining on my energy than a single individual.

[renatus.livejournal.com]

It depends, but generally more uncomfortable. In a group, I can fall quiet and do my own thing and nod and make polite noises if I need to. One on one, it's got to be all me. Not bad if I'm into the convo/person right then, but terribly uncomfortable if it's small talk or the person rattling on about themselves.

(Of course, I also have the whole borderling autistic thing going on, too.)

It's different if I know the person well and like them, of course.

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Depends. As mentioned, in the group situation, it's possible to sort of hide in the group to avoid the interaction.

On the other hand, I have a pretty much universal preference for one-on-one interaction in basically any situation, so in that regard, the other scenario can be preferable.

[tideling.livejournal.com]

Whoops, sorry, realized I misunderstood the question.

As an introvert, I generally prefer to interact in groups of 3-4 people, although sometimes it's easy for me to go quiet and get lost in a group scenario. That said, it's a lot easier for me to hold up my end of the conversation with a single person, maybe because I do that so often at work.

[mimerki.livejournal.com]

I'm usually less uncomfortable in small groups than in either large groups or most one-on-one interactions. In a large group, I can feel like I've disappeared too much and don't have a good way to break back in or that I need to be on all the time to stay involved. With a single person, I just have to be on all the time. (The "most" is that every so often I meet someone and I don't feel like I have to do that.)

[spencimusprime.livejournal.com]

As an introvert who feels good at "faking it," I'm with Miki. One-on-one is best when you're hitting it off with someone and they are as into the conversation as you are.

Groups, especially at cons, are much easier because you don't have to put in as much effort. Con parties might as well come with shirts that say "I'M INTROVERTED. THIS IS TOUGH FOR ME."

There are a few, few, few people out there who have absolutely zero ego. Sän is one. I think that for him and his ilk, a one-on-one conversation can be easier. For us egotistical types, it's harder to let go and just listen entirely to the other person.