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Jul. 3rd, 2007 09:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nonionayWent to an Inservice at DVSAS this evening on the county's mental health services. The DMHP (designated mental health professional, whose job is to evaluate, not treat) was a great guy. At first, he droned on about the bureaucracy, but then he started talking about actually working with people, and the passion showed through. He talked about all sorts of ways to help people talk through their issues. Often, the best thing is to say nothing at all, and just to listen. But really listen. Ask the obvious questions, that what running an ad agency taught him before he learned psychology. He talked about turning thoughts into feelings, having people work through the adrenaline rush of anger to the calming endorphins afterwards.
When some people talk about themselves, you can feel their ego oozing out. But other people, you can tell they just need to get things out. Most people never listen. And not being listened to is why a lot of people go suicidal. He talked about the value of debriefing, (when someone who deals with people on a psychological level talks over how that affected them with someone else.) and how in a public job, you don't get to do that at work. He does have some outside friends he goes to, but when he talked briefly about a recent case, and how it traumatized him, I could tell that this worked as a mini-debriefing for him, because he was surrounded by people who, like himself, are trained to listen and be sympathetic. By the end, he was obviously very happy, and we'd all learned a lot. There was a definite rapport going on.
The time I started volunteering at DVSAS coincided with my transformation from INFP to INTJ. That means that I've gone from being someone who viewed people in terms of my relationship to them, to a more distant perspective. I haven't worked directly with clients/victims of domestic violence. I've done paperwork. Everyone's happy with that, but I do need to get back in touch with that relating side. I've got ideas for what to do, including writing my family history, and writing a little about an old character who embodies the old, innocent INFP me, but who's been pushed aside for years and years.
When some people talk about themselves, you can feel their ego oozing out. But other people, you can tell they just need to get things out. Most people never listen. And not being listened to is why a lot of people go suicidal. He talked about the value of debriefing, (when someone who deals with people on a psychological level talks over how that affected them with someone else.) and how in a public job, you don't get to do that at work. He does have some outside friends he goes to, but when he talked briefly about a recent case, and how it traumatized him, I could tell that this worked as a mini-debriefing for him, because he was surrounded by people who, like himself, are trained to listen and be sympathetic. By the end, he was obviously very happy, and we'd all learned a lot. There was a definite rapport going on.
The time I started volunteering at DVSAS coincided with my transformation from INFP to INTJ. That means that I've gone from being someone who viewed people in terms of my relationship to them, to a more distant perspective. I haven't worked directly with clients/victims of domestic violence. I've done paperwork. Everyone's happy with that, but I do need to get back in touch with that relating side. I've got ideas for what to do, including writing my family history, and writing a little about an old character who embodies the old, innocent INFP me, but who's been pushed aside for years and years.
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Date: 2007-07-04 02:33 pm (UTC)I never felt suicidal, thank heavens, but I know the pain of not being listened to. My spouse was one who always shut me out. He could talk all day about his interests, but when it came to mine, nada. In fact he actively chose to hate what I did--my job, my writing--so why would he want to talk about it? The anger simmers even now that he's been gone for 2.5 years. If I had not found like-minded writerly friends to share myself with via email and the internet, I don't know what I would've done. I was so mentally beat down. On the outside, everyone thought we were so happy! I was miserable. When he got sick, and then we realized that it was terminal, I can't tell you how horrible the guilt was that I wrestled with--the realization that I would someday be free.
It did happen, and sooner than we thought, only 3 years after he had heart surgery. He was 40, I was 42, everyone around me grieving, me exploding inside. I'd met Nicholas here on LJ two days before Kel died(!!!). When Nick and I started to talk, he being a psychology student himself he was very careful not to 'treat' me but what he did do was listen. And listen. And talk to me, and LISTEN....
Oh my gosh, is it any wonder I fell for this guy? The endless hours in email, chat, then the phone--he LISTENED!!! I began to deal with issues I'd kept pushed down, the incredible guilt (i mean, what kind of person am I to be glad to be free--at the cost of my husband's life?). No one close to me physically knew--or so I thought. Friends started to tell me their thoughts, how they saw our marriage, and I began to chance and go nuts and, gasp, GET HAPPY!
Happiness. It is an awesome thing, being listened to--it is the biggest way to show respect to someone else. That's all I wanted from Kel--respect. And somehow, for some reason, it didn't exist anymore.
I look back on those last few years with him and I wonder how in the world I stayed so strong. I really don't know.
Great post. And, Thanks for listening. :)
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Date: 2007-07-04 08:59 pm (UTC)No problem. :-)
I'm glad you never felt suicidal. One of the ways to help a suicidal person, we were told, was to give them something to look forward to. It sounds like you had at least your kids to help with that. Guilt's an emotion that lots of people feel when relationships end or people die. I like to think that if we're open, we get exactly what we need when we need it. I'm glad it worked out for you.