XKCD is timely

I've recently come into a bit of money I want to save or invest or do something productive with. The stock market isn't looking too hot, so I figured I'd get a CD at the credit union (which I'll probably do anyway.) I poked around at the investment calculators at my credit union's website. This is me yesterday (except I'd get even lower interest than the little stick people:
https://www.xkcd.com/947/